I have been MIA the last week and a half because my family has suffered a horrible loss. My older cousin, Chad, passed away last Thursday and this whole week has been the worst week my family has experienced together. His funeral was at the end of this week and I was asked to speak. I wrote something for him and I decided to share it because I want everyone to know what a beautiful person Chad was. This is what I said for my precious Chad at the funeral.
"Chad
is my older cousin on my mother's side of the family. He was always
doing things to disrupt or liven up the status quo. One of my favorite
examples of this was from this past Christmas break when the cousins
(there are 7 of us) were getting together after Christmas one last time
before everyone had to go back to school/work/whatever. We all decided
to go to Red Lobster for lunch and as we walked in, Chad spots the
lobster tank. Without hesitation, he went over and scooped one of the
lobsters out with his bare hand. It wasn't some sort of premeditated
idea. It seemed to just be a visceral reaction to seeing the lobster
tank. The obvious thing to do. Why
wouldn't he pick up this lobster? So naturally, I pulled out my camera. Maybe my first thought should have been to tell him to put down the
lobster before they kicked us out, but it made for an awesome picture.
And no one who worked there seemed too upset. On the contrary, it
seemed to make them all laugh more than anything.
That's
one of the main things that can be said about Chad. He had an
inexhaustible ability to make those around him laugh, to make them feel
joy. The last few days have been some of the hardest I have ever
experienced in my life, but one thing that has really helped sooth some
of this pain has been being able to go on Facebook and see the
beautiful memories and funny stories that Chad's friends and loved ones
have posted about him. Most all of these memories are stories about
Chad's unyielding, loving nature. Chad was absolutely everyone's
biggest fan. He loved everyone, all the time, no matter what you did,
who you were, who you dated, how you believed, whatever; you were his
favorite person. Even if there were tons of people around, he could make
you feel like the most important person in the room. You felt like you
belonged. You felt like you were loved. Because he was talking to you.
Because he was interacting with you.
One of my best
friends only met him, maybe twice, but when I told her the news she
broke down crying. Later, she sent me a memory she cherished about
Chad. She said:
'It was at your parents Fourth of July party. He
jumped out, looking like an Indian about to do a firework dance, with
intense eyes and his music blaring and I couldn't help but think of the
sun. I could tell just from that occasion that he was full of light
and had a spirit that attracted people towards him. I remember
listening to his music and knowing that he had a talent that other
people needed to hear. He rushed to hug me when I left and I remember
how daring I thought he was because he hardly knew me. That night I
felt like his favorite person and I'm so grateful I had the opportunity
to meet him and to share an experience with him where I could see his
heart and spirit.'
A day or so after I got the
news, I remembered something that was sitting in the back of my mind
all week. I had thought that I needed to text Chad about something (I
can't even remember what it was about, maybe a joke I saw on Tosh.0,
because we loved to text each other jokes from that show) I wanted to
text him because he'd get a kick out of it or... he'd like to hear
about it... or something. And I had stuck that in the back of my head
with the to-do list stuff and forgotten about it, assuming it was
something I could do at any time. The weight of this hit me all at
once, because we aren't guaranteed a tomorrow.
I wrestled
with feeling like I'd been robbed, like this was the worst injustice.
And these things are true and still they eat at me. However, when I
looked at all the people who have been deeply or even briefly impacted
by Chad, or when I see the joy on the faces of those who are just
telling stories about him and the eagerness so many have to do so, or
when I break down about losing him only to end up smiling through my
tears because I just can't help it at thinking of his boyish charisma
and his unrelenting affectionate spirit , I have to think about it in
another way, too. He
was taken too soon, but I am still so blessed that he was here at all. He impacted us and continues to do it.
He
showed us what it looked like to choose to be happy, to choose joy. He
showed us what it meant to be playful. And above all, he showed us
what it felt like to be loved unconditionally, because it was the thing
he did so extraordinarily well.
He was one fiercely
positive ball of energy and each of our lives, this world, was made
more beautiful because he existed in it. We are not guaranteed more
time, but we are
so blessed nonetheless."
